The Saturday Dining Conspiracy Policy on Hostages.

The Saturday Dining Conspiracy strongly supports and encourages the use of force (including the use of chemical, biological, and/or nuclear weapons) to save the lives of conspirators, unindicted co-conspirators, readers, advertisers, spouses, children (including the illegitimate ones), waiters, waitresses, bus boys, bartenders, restaurant owners, managers, suppliers, domestic partners, relatives (by birth or marrage), pets (except cats1) or unrelated onlookers should they be kidnapped, held hostage, or caught in the middle of a conflict situation.
The use of disproportionate force or gratuitous violence in these circumstances is strongly encouraged, and will likely get you a free meal.

1. Dwight is allergic to cats.

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